Lightbolb moment :-)

Today I had an lightbolb moment :-D

One idea crossed my mind, what I wanted to achieve in this lifetime.

I want to help other humans that have gone thrue traumas and lost their self confidience and will to live, and their feeling of being a victim.I want to do what I can to help others, as I have recived help from many people when I have gone thrue traumas in my life.

I have often felt like a victim in my life, victim of rape, victim of being used, victim of being weak.I never talked to anyone about it because I was ashamed over it, thinking it was my fault theese things happened to me.

I have been helped in many ways and the most efficent for me has been healing, talking to a mentor, write diary and now I have been startig talking with friends about what I have been through.
And they are shocked, I who always has been so “strong” and “happy” in their eyes.
I have realized I have been very good hiding behind a wall, letting no one too close because of fear of being alone and abandon.

And when I have been hiding, I became alone in one sense, because I felt like no one understood me.
How could they if I always hided behind a “happy” face?
So maybe that´s why I the last two years have being going on a rollercoaster in my emotions, letting all the emotions out again.
And everyone around me think I´m changed and they are confused.

But they are right I have changed, and I will never going back to being a victim again.
I´m going to stand up for myself and my feelings, not let myself down again.
Now I´m showing people who I really am, with all my sides, happy,sad, strong, weak, brave and afraid.
I can also be sad and weak and I also need support some times.

It takes courage to show the real you, and don´t hide behind a wall of strenght and happiness ;-)

I´m just a human, as all the rest nothing more, nothing less ;-)

Love Jessica

Forgot one thing ….

It´s also a strenght to be able to ask for help.

I wished I had done it many years before, but better late then never.
No use crying over spilled milk, just take a new leap of faith and take one step infront of the other.
Now it´s my turn to help others, but I should also not forget to ask for help again if I need it.
(I have a healer and a mentor I go to even now and then, she can often help see things from a bigger picture when I get caught up in small details)

Give and recieve with joy :-)